It Still Feels Like a Dream

More Than I Could’ve Imagined

I don't think I've gone a week these past two months without telling someone that I genuinely feel like I'm living in a dream. And I mean that. When I was raising support this summer, I honestly didn't know exactly what to expect when I stepped into full-time ministry. All I knew was what I had witnessed through Dayna, my mentor at UCA, over the past two years. I had experienced the way she walked alongside me, my teammates, and so many other athletes. She had even invited me into some of the places she was serving, allowing me to see what discipleship looked like beyond my own experience. And I knew I wanted to spend my life doing that very thing. But knowing what discipleship looks like and realizing that you actually get to wake up every morning and do that very thing are two completely different feelings.

The fact that I get to spend my days building relationships with high school athletes and coaches still doesn't feel real. I get to wake up, listen for where God is saying to go, and then go and meet those people there. And I get to devote my time to that. Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating the system, haha. Seriously, though. The fact that people have chosen to financially support me so that I can spend my days doing what Jesus did with His twelve disciples is something only God could have made possible. This job doesn't hold me back or limit the vision that God has impacted me with. I never knew that a job in this ministry would have me feeling this free to hear God's call for the day and then just go do it.

I don't think I realized how much freedom I would feel in this calling until I was actually living it.

Surveying the Land

Once I was fully funded, I sat down with my boss to talk about where I would begin serving. He gave me my first assignment, which he called “surveying the land.” My first assignment wasn't to do more, but to pay attention. How cool is that!!! He wanted me to visit Conway softball and volleyball, along with Greenbrier basketball and softball; but, he didn't want me to jump into everything all at once. Instead, he encouraged me to meet the coaches, get to know the teams, understand what each program valued, and prayerfully consider where God wanted me to invest my time. He knew there would be plenty of opportunities, but that didn't necessarily mean I was supposed to say yes to every single one.

So that's what I started doing. I began walking onto campuses, meeting coaches, introducing myself to athletes, and getting a glimpse into the different teams and the people who made them up. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, it hit me.

I was actually doing it.

The very thing I had spent the entire summer talking about was now my everyday life. I was living in the dream God had placed on my heart. But there was something else I hadn't expected.

Fear.

For a little while, walking into these places for the first time stirred up fear in me. Not because I wasn't excited—I was probably more excited than I'd ever been—but because I was stepping into situations I hadn't experienced before. There were people I didn't know, relationships that hadn't been built yet, and so many unknowns. And honestly, that surprised me. I had spent the past two years getting to experience discipleship firsthand through Dayna. I knew the beauty of it. I knew the importance of simply showing up, being present, and walking alongside people. But now I was the one stepping into unfamiliar places and beginning those relationships.

My fear didn't lessen my excitement. It just surprised me.

And here's what I've been learning. As I continued stepping into the very situations that made me nervous, the fear began to fade. Instead, I started to realize God was placing me in places where I was beginning to flourish. I began to recognize my strengths showing up in conversations and situations I had once been afraid to walk into. And with each step, I found myself growing more confident—not just in what I was doing, but in God’s placement of His beloved. Me, the one He cares for and walks before. He knew the fear would hit me and the insecurity would rise in me, but He also placed me there so that growth would take place unlike anywhere else I had been. Growth that was needed, but the discomfort was needed before the growth could even occur. It's funny how sometimes we want the confidence before we take the step. But for me, the confidence started coming because I took the step.

God was already preparing places for me to flourish. I just had to be willing to walk into them, even when my feelings were telling me otherwise. And now, two months in, I'm beginning to see just how intentional His placement has been.

The last two months of my life has displayed this verse more than any other season I can recall: “Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”

I never even knew to ask for something this good. I never dreamed that this would be my reality. I never imagined God had this in store for me. But He did, and now I am living in it in abundance.